elb's hovel of thoughts

Friday, July 22, 2005

The Bombing Experience Company

The Bombing Experience Worldwide Company is a multinational company run in many countries. Here, I interview Uusama been Leaden, the CEO of Al Queer-a, which is the parent company of Bombing Experience Worldwide.

First of all, a brief background of the Company:

The Bombing Experience company has in recent years gone international in Europe and America, being mostly confined to the Middle East before this. They have been around for many years, producing shows in countries such as Yemen. Their big break, however, came in September 11, 2001, when in the words of Uusama been Leaden, "We gave our best show to date". They regularly perform in many major cities in Iraq, and recently have started their show in London, with the curtain raiser on July 7 2005.

elb: What does the BE package consist of?
Uusama: The BE package, it is very flexible. We are creative at making the best Bombing Experience you would ever encounter - you might be literally engulfed in the heat that you won't even realise it! We have flown aircraft into buildings before. We have blown trains, both above and underground. We have created holes in mighty battleships. We have loyal actors who would readily give themselves up to ensure that the BE legacy lives on.

How much do spectators need to pay to watch?
It is absolutely free. The more, the better.

Where do your actors come from?
We hire only the best - young impressionable minds, whom we mould to our desires. Our main training grounds are located in Pakistan and Afghanistan, and we send the actors many years ahead, to blend in with the local culture so that they would be able to give the best performance in their lives during their one second of fame.

Wonderful! Where would your next performance be?
We cannot divulge this information. We love to give surprises. However, we have just recently added London to our main performances; in addition to the usual Iraq performances. We have plans to open theatres on major stages - we are looking very strongly at the possibilities of including Germany, Denmark, and Italy.

Amazing. How much are your actors paid?
We offer a dual pay package. The first is monetary - up to several thousand dollars is given to the actor's family. Once the show is complete, he will be sent to a wonderful place with plenty of young, untouched supple women to enjoy, and an unfinishable supply of the best food.

Are there any requirements to want to become an actor in the Bombing Experience Company?
The most important is that you must have a strong desire to want to give yourself in order to further push the limits of the BE and to enhance the Experience for everyone. Once that is done, we will sponsor your training in Pakistan. No problem.

Is it easy to stage a BE?
No, it is not. There are some people who do not appreciate the eye candy that we bring to the scene. They do not like orange, yellow and red colours amongst the dreary gray of their concrete jungles.

We recently heard that a few of your actors failed to produce the London BE, but instead ran away in shame.
Yes, it is most unfortunate that the July 21 2005 show was let down due to technical difficulties. We cannot let everyone down since top class BEs are expected from us. No more mistakes!

Disclaimer: This satirical piece of work is the result of my imagination. Please link back here, or at the very least give me credit.

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